a pensieve

Archive for December, 2010

the year 2010

I never believed that there’s such a bad year. Yes, there might have been better years but 2010 is definitely a good year.

2010 is a year full of “tests and lessons” but there are also been a lot of “recesses, breaks, and field trips” in between. Despite all the unfortunate turn of events, there have also been a lot of turning points, eye openers and so much to be grateful for.

2010 is composed of a very healthy combination of
UPs and DOWNs;
of Confusions and Realizations;
of Stupidity and Wisdom;
of Selfishness and Maturity;
of Loss and Gains;
of Hopelessness and FAITH.

2010 is a year full of LOVE and Relationships (mended, restored, renewed and kept).

2010 is more of me receiving than me giving. A year almost always spent setting aside pride. And opening my heart to the blessings and love given to me.

My 2010 is a year of “thank you” to my family and to my closest friends and most especially to our Good Lord, for reminding me that I have always been loved in spite and despite of.




I asked my youngest sister to teach me how to cook Carbonara (my first attempt was a failure, to think I used a ready mix Carbonara sauce!). I loved her Carbonara last Christmas, since I am craving for more, I’ve decided to cook it myself.

1. Put water in a pot; pour in around 2 tbsp of oild; put in some salt.
2. Wait until the water is boiling, put in the pasta.
3. Check every once in a while, if pasta is already cooked.

1. Dilute the Cream of Mushroom soup in a cup.
2. Saute Onions and Ham, and Bacon.
3. Pour in the Cream of Mushroom soup.
4. Stir the mixture constantly until it thickens.
5. Put in the grate Quick Melt Cheese.
6. Stir until the Cheese melted.

There… =) hmmm… now, I want another serving!

shouldn’t be

I shouldn’t be writing about this on a day before Christmas. I just can’t help it. I already know about this a long time ago, but last night I was reminded of it again.

As much as I wanted to be in a relationship, but I don’t know how that will happen when I am so scared shitless to be cheated on.

Trust is a very important ingredient to a happy relationship. But, after witnessing and experiencing instances where a “in a relationship” man is involved, I think I will be really having a hard time trusting MEN. (haha, Hasty Generalization on my part, but honestly, can you blame me?)

And in addition to my Trust-issues, I am an insanely jealous person. Hahaha. And then, I wonder why I don’t have a boyfriend for the longest time, who am I kidding!

But really, my point is, it’s scary. Marriage and Kids were never an assurance for a happy and successful relationship.

Almost all men cheat, some women do too, it’s frustrating! Would I want to subject myself to that?

… yes, I wrote this on a day before Christmas. haha! wala talagang spirit of Christmas, olats!

Light at the End of the Tunnel

well, it turns out to be a fast approaching train. Argh!

This is an update regarding my previous post: TIMING (to read it again just click on the link).

I thought that that teaching job at a Winter Camp to teach English to Korean kids is already in the bag, well, I thought wrong. We thought wrong, I and the others who were there yesterday at the orientation.

It is just so frustrating and depressing. I have been excited and been looking forward to it for almost a month. Even coming up with a list of what I should bring. Then, just when I thought that orientation is when I will be able to finalize the things I needed to bring, I would finally know that “I am not one of those that they’d bring along”. ohhhh, sooooo unfair.

I get it, I am not the best out there, but it just sucks that they led me on to thinking that I’d be one of those who’d be joining them for camp. I’ve psyched myself (and even those people around me). Did I mention that I was really really excited? hayyy sabi na, Bawal Ma-Excite e!!!

As I was trying to write this entry, I looked back at those days that I’ve written about that camp. I was freaking hopeful. Then, I read my SNEAKING UP ON ME entry. It made me wonder, what if, right at the very beginning, there were already tell-tale signs that I won’t be able to make it to camp? Oh well, at least I tried.

So much for pursuing a childhood dream! For now, I am back to my senseless wanderings.

Phone Call

Today I received a phone call from the headhunter who assists me with that company I had an exam last December 7. It was a step closer to good news. yey!

As soon as I ended up my conversation with Ms. J., I wanted to tell you about it. Honestly, you were the first person that came into my mind that I wanted to share the news with. But as soon I as realized that we’re not really in good terms, nadeadma ang good news. 😦

Oh well, maybe next time, when I am a little more stable.

Low Profile

Since last Thursday (December 9, 2010), I have been trying to keep quiet and been docking out of the radar. I am so irritable lately. And SENSITIVE and UNREASONABLE, ohh, and did I mention that I am really irritable?

At first I tried venting it out through Twitter, but it was just like infecting other people with Bad Vibes. People have already enough on their plates to deal with my ranting. And I am trying to avoid any more naubusan ng pasensya moments with my family and friends. I don’t think anyone of us needs that now.

Ironically, I am also trying not to fall out of the radar completely. I still replies and comments when I really feel ok. And just keep really quiet when I feel like I am just going to be a major patola-kontrabida.

So, what’s keeping me busy are Hannah Montana and Lizzie McGuire. I have written about Hannah Montana in my previous post. And now, I am watching and downloading more Lizzie McGuire episodes.

These shows have a calming effect on me. At times, it really makes me wish that I am a kid again, but most of the times I just like how their kababawans entertain me and teach me lessons (on life).

Bad Vibes

I seem to be always on the edge lately. I have to blame (as usual!) the season! haha! But this year, being penny-less (and just being downright pathetic because of being so irresponsible and immature) is only adding up more fuel to my fire of disappointments and frustrations.

I want to go to places, buy stuffs, and be with people, but I just can’t, UNLESS one of my friends would take pity on me and sponsor me, or or or I would swallow my very bitter pride and ask for some gala-money from my mother.

I know I know, this is all my freaking fault. hayyy I have no right to complain. I have to suck this all up until I am again given a chance to have work and prove that I have learned my lesson and (finally, really!!!!) save up!



On a different note, I finally got to download episode 1 til 10 of season 4 of Hannah Montana Forever. I have been watching it since yesterday, somehow, I am feeling a bit better because of it. Well, I always used to watch this series every time I am feeling down. I specially liked their season 1!

I have always liked Hannah Montana. I don’t know why. Maybe because her problems are petty and her life is often times fun. Or maybe because of the life lessons they try to teach in every episode.

This is their last season. Kindda sad about it, but it’s part of growing up. Oh well, Hannah has already revealed her identity in episodes 9-10.

I kindda hate that Oliver is not in the show anymore, but I love Miley and Lily’s room and Hannah’s closet!!! The songs from this season are all good! ÜÜÜ