a pensieve

Archive for November, 2010

lies lies lies

Last weekend, one of the getting to know games we played is called truth and lies. Well, I actually called it just that. Each person should tell truth or lies and we would pick who would identify which of the 3 items is a lie.

I know with this game that this is more of Assumptionistas’ game. I, once again, proved that people only believe what they want to believe, and that people have their own versions of truth.

The things that you will tell about yourself should be juicy, provocative and should amaze everyone. When it was my turn the first time, I told one truth and two lies. And the person chosen to identify the lie actually guessed that my lie was the only truth I told them. And everything else got so confusing. After the game, NCM approached me and told me that he really knows me. I asked him, what made him think so, when he was wrong. He didn’t believe me. He even accused me of denying the truth. haha! Oh well, who am I to ruin his parade.

On the second round of the game, I told them another 2 lies and a truth. Of course, I can’t remember who guessed it, whoever it is, he got it right. And they now all thought that I actually had an affair with a married man. haha! I wanted to tell them, in their freaking dreams would I ever have an affair with a married man!

Then, one of those guys there that I really respect and love (in a very brotherly way), asked me to identify his lie. I was wrong. It made me sad to know that about him. Oh well, I guess I just a very different version of truth about him.


Starbucks Planner for 2011

I just claimed mine after our dinner. I never thought that I’d have one this early, considering I am no longer a regular of Starbucks recently.

But my friends, especially KZBP, know how much this means to me. She almost did all the buying and a little help with CGT, MV and TM.

Just so happy and thankful. Ü I promise that I would do everything in my power and I would pray that God will make my 2011 worth writing for. I promise that I won’t let my friends’ gift to me go to waste Ü

dear Lord, thank You for blessing and surrounding me with friends who understand and support my kababawans in life. Amen.

the BitterSweet Mountaineer Me

I met up with friends earlier this evening and they were all teasing me that I am blooming. Well, honestly, I can say I can’t deny that, cause I’ve noticed that before with myself. I always look blooming/prettier whenever I am traveling or I just got back from traveling.

Yup, after more than 2 months, I finally was able to get out of the house and leave the city even for a while. After 3 or 4 years, I was able to climb/hike/trek again.

I just gave in to my CGT’s request for me to join this climb. First, I can’t say NO to a friend who is celebrating her birthday. Second, this is a free trip, of course sponsored by CGT. And lastly, I want to breathe the fresh air of the mountains again.

I have been a ‘mountaineer’ (because I am a member of a mountaineering org) since 2005. But I am not actively participating in climbs since January 2007, I was a little worried with everything. Looking back to my weekend, my concerns are so petty. Really!

The climb was actually an easy one. We didn’t assault to submit with our full backpacks, because we stayed in the base camp beside the river. The kids and the kids-at-heart enjoyed swimming in the cool and refreshing water of the river. It was like a usual family outing, with kids and their lolo, tito’t titas, ates and kuyas, but come to think of it, we have a 2 year old kid in the group. Ü

One of the things I did in this climb that I thought I would never do is, to night trek to the nearest sari sari store just to buy 3 bottles of gin. hehehe. It was crazy and thoughtless, but I trust my companions (kuya D and CT) that they would not allow anything bad will happen to me. I actually enjoyed that quick trip and back.

In this trip, we didn’t only climb but we also did some spelunking (caving). It was an adventure to most of us who are first timers. I kind of panicked to a point that I cried because I was so freaking nervous. I was scared that I won’t be able to do it, even though, I know I can. Freaking Fears. Good thing that these people with me won’t let me miss this experience. Of course, I got out of the cave alive, I live to tell the tale. It was awesome, AWESOME!

After the caving part of our adventure, we did XY-ing. We crossed the river by walking on a wire, while we held on to our life to another wire, did I mention that we didn’t use harness while doing this? hehehe. Some of us like CT were brave enough (and knows how to swim) to let go of the cable and jump to the river for a swim. Hmmm, that’s around 25ft. high. I want to experience it, but I was too scared to do it alone, so I asked CGT if we could go together. Good thing, she said yes. Ü

All in all, I am a little bit sore, but it is nothing in comparison. I had so much fun. The view on top is as always priceless. A God’s masterpiece indeed. Plus, the people with me are all so friendly and nice and fun. I hope to do this again, once I have work again (or if someone would sponsor my trip again hehehe).

I am so thankful to CGT.
I am so grateful for everyone (some are old friends, and made some new ones) who joined this trip.
and most of all, I feel so blessed to witness again God’s work (may it be through people I am with, through the highest or lowest or darkest or wettest place, or even through the circumstances), Thank You Lord for all of these. Ü

to Aki, Tali, Kai and Art, guys thank you! 😉


after yesterday’s event, today is comparably a bad day.

I attended an interview this morning, and it felt like all my remaining self-esteem and self-confidence were sucked out of me. I didn’t know what happened inside that conference room. At some point, I remembered that my mind went blank. I was literally staring at my interviewer hoping that she’d repeat her question.

I just feel so bad that I asked (to no one in particular) “Why can’t I be happy even just for at least 2 consecutive days.” Bawal ba yun?!?!

I just tried to console myself by thinking, ‘if I can’t be happy for a long time, therefore, I will again be happy in no time’. Everything is just temporary.

Of all the days, I happened to read this in EAT PRAY LOVE (p.272), it was as if it’s talking to me and I would like to share this with you:

“… people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you are fortunate enough. But that’s not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don’t, you will leak away your innate contentment. It’s easy enough to pray when you’re in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments.

This is hard to put into action, but I am willing to practice it in my life. Hopefully, something good will come out of it Ü


I really don’t know where to start about the tale of how I ended up with a teaching job at an English Winter Camp this January.

I’ll start this with a trivia about me. As far as I can recall, I know that my first “what I wanna be when I grow up” is to be a TEACHER. Then, eventually, it became a scientist. Anyway, this dream has been forgotten and was never been considered to be a possible profession. I took Computer Science in college.

But “being a teacher” is always an alternative choice. I remember having conversations with my best friend that if ever we never get that chance to get ourselves a husband, we would be teachers. If I can remember it correctly, I said that if I am still single at the age of 27, I will just become a teacher. My reason was simple: Teachers are always loved by their students. Teachers are loved period. Teachers always receive flowers during special occasions. But of course, it was just something we talked about to amaze ourselves.

Then, August this year, I attended a VCF service, I can’t remember exactly when, but the topic then was about CALLING. I even told KZBP that I think my calling was to teach. I wanted to try and inquire about the teaching positions in VCF Alabang for their Sunday school for kids, but I didn’t. I was too coward to pursue it. And honestly, I was a bit ashamed, because I am not even a Christian to begin with.

Then November 10 came, as always, wide awake while the rest were sleeping, I suddenly came to a realization. A Regret would be more appropriate. I should have not wasted my time moping around, getting depressed, and being angry. I should have studied that 18 teaching units. The timing of me losing that job was already a sign. It was just in time to enroll for the first semester, but no, I opted to “rest”. Then this realization was just a little too late for second semester. I know Regret has finally said his introductions and I was left with no choice but acknowledged his presence. Then, I prayed and talked God, I asked Him to make me get over this Regret the soonest possible time. I told Him that I don’t need any more negative forces in my life right now.

God’s answer to my plea came after 3 days. November 13. I opened up this realization and my regrets about it to CGT. She mentioned an opportunity. I told her, I am interested. I seek for her help to ask LB the details. I am shy to ask LB directly even though we actually know each other. I got some answers but I was not satisfied, so, I just went ahead and swallowed my pride and ask LB directly. Finally, I have the details.

Then, I asked KMR to come with me. I know she’s also looking for work, and the only thing I know to help her is to ask her to come with me every time I hear an opening (honestly, I don’t even know what work she is looking for).

So, we set a schedule when we’ll be going to do our interview and teaching demo. Supposedly, we scheduled it for November 18, but I asked KMR if we could move it the next day. (you guess it right, that Thursday was a Harry Potter day). From here on you already know the story. Three companies contacted me for interviews which they scheduled for Monday and Tuesday. You already know that this fact has made me a little confused.

KMR and I pushed through with our appointment that Friday. She didn’t sign, so, I didn’t too. I am too coward (yes, I have no backbone and balls) to proceed alone and I also still need to inform my mother that the first day of the camp is on January 1, instead of January 2. So, we have agreed to sign by November 23, today.

I prayed for signs from God. I prayed for loud and clear signs. I got my signs. The job that I had interviewed for has a bond, the other two job interviews originally scheduled before Wednesday were all rescheduled after Wednesday, lastly and more importantly, I told myself that ‘it’s now or never’ which I listened to.

This afternoon, KMR and I went back to their office again to ask some of our inquiries and to finally sign the contract. We were still both giddy as we step out of the building when we were greeted by a rainbow.

Rainbows are good omen ryt? Ü

dear Lord, Thank You very much for this opportunity. I have my fears and doubts, but I know that You will be with me through all of these. I Love You. Amen.

TV Series

There are just two TV Series that I used to watch and have been part of my life.


Today, I had a wonderful opportunity to watch the very last episode of CHARMED and the pilot episode of GILMORE GIRLS. And it just feels like a reunion of friends.

hayyyy, I realized how much I miss Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo and Lorelei, Rory, Luke and Dean.

Commitment Phobic

One of the companies I had interview for today told me that they have BOND, a three year bond with the company. Their condition is that I have to work for their company for the next 3 years in exchange for the training that they will give me or else, I have to pay 300,000 pesos (or at least a hundred thousand for every ‘unserved’ remaining year).

Actually, I can’t believe that there are still companies which bond their employees. The last I heard of their kind was when I was fresh out of college. My next reaction was ‘uh ohhh, may bond?’ but of course, I told them, I was ok with the set up.

Then here comes my realization. I am commitment phobic, yeah, I am COMMITMENT PHOBIC.

If you’re going to look at my resume, staying at a company was never a problem with me, and maybe I won’t even notice that 3 years that they are requiring me. But knowing that I am bound with them with conditions, I feel scared. I feel pressured. Staying suddenly feels so constricting and suffocating.

I don’t have a problem with staying, my problem lies in the fact that I can’t just easily leave.

hmmmm. I think I finally stumbled upon an answer to one of my whys.